Body and Soul

Stephanie Holcomb crouches in her stance, preparing for the lift. Her fingers loosely wiggle over the bar as she readies her grasp. Her eyes are fixed on the clock as she waits for the timer to begin the WOD (Workout of the Day). She keeps her thoughts positive. At this moment Holcomb is facing a tough mountain–lifting heavy weight and maintaining a strong yet patient mind.The deadlift may be a favorite among some, but for Stephanie, it’s her weakest lift. And, one of Stephanie’s deadliest enemies is her thoughts.“I’m not good with heavy weight,” explains Stephanie, who has a history of anxiety and panic attacks. “Now give me anything with agility or short sprints, and I’m good at that.”At one time her deadlift max reached 225 pounds. “My form was horrible though,” she sighs, “and I’ve had to drop my max to 155 pounds to keep the correct form. It would’ve been easy to let my ego get in the way, but the only way to improve my deadlift is to work harder.”By nature Stephanie says she is not a positive thinker.“I am very impatient and I want instant gratification in my goals both in and out of the box (another name for a gym, in CrossFit terms),” she says. “Training my brain to think more positively, to be more patient, and to have a greater awareness requires a conscious effort every single day. It is a process….it requires planning.”Stephanie has worked hard to reach this point in her life where she is positive, calm, and feeling great. Two years ago she would not have had the courage to walk in the gym much less attempt a deadlift max, especially in front of people. But since meeting Sally Greene at CrossFit 205, Stephanie says she is physically and mentally healthier.It all began with the quality time she spent during a road trip to Birmingham with a few girlfriends to purchase some 2012 national championship t-shirts. Little did Stephanie know that the conversations with Greene that night would help her with the future painful moments she was soon to endure.Stephanie began CrossFit in January 2012. That same year she experienced a devastating house fire and then an unexpected divorce.“These were very painful experiences in my life,” she recalls, “and I believe that focusing on my physical health through CrossFit and focusing on my mental health through prayer and meditation have helped me deal with the healing process and prevented me from having a complete breakdown or falling into a full blown depression.”Each morning Stephanie wakes earlier than her children to spend quiet meditation with God. This she says is essential to her inner calmness and healing process.“If I oversleep or don’t spend time with God, I am more anxious and negative,” she says. “The only way to overcome this negativity or anxiety is to complete a workout at the box.”Stephanie knows that carving time each morning with God and committing to a daily WOD can be a struggle for her. She is also aware that some days are more challenging than others to fit both important goals into her schedule.“There are days that I haven’t wanted to go to the box. There are days that I just want to lay in the bathroom floor and feel sorry for myself,” she recalls. “However, knowing that I will feel better after I complete my WOD and leave it all in the gym keeps me going. Having the support of my CrossFit family and a gym that I can leave all my anxieties on the floor as well as having a God that I can cry out to no matter how informal my prayers seem have been key to dealing with my pain in a healthy way.”There are still days that Stephanie says if she thinks about the magnitude of all that life has thrown at her, she can’t breathe. However, she says, “I will maintain this mentality and regime because I cannot stand the thoughts of just going through the motions of life again. God wants us to seek Him and He wants us to take care of the bodies that He has given us. Yes, it requires my effort, my planning, and my time, but oh the reward.”The changes Stephanie has undergone over the past two years have been bittersweet, but her accomplishments keep her motivated.“It is an amazing feeling when I do a butterfly pull-up for the first time or when I truly surrender a situation to God and He comes through in such a way that only He can get the praise for it,” she says. “I have also surrounded myself with people who will not let me fail. Sally Greene has not just been a friend, she has been a mentor. I call her Life Coach Sally.”As the timer beeps the start of the WOD, Stephanie is deadlifting 155 pounds eight times before attacking the handstand pushups, burpees, and wall balls. She’s determined to see each day one step or one burpee at a time.“When I’m in the middle of a big WOD and it looks impossible to finish, I talk to myself,” she says. “I don’t focus on the mountain as a whole. Instead, I break it down and just concentrate on that one rep that is in front of me. I don’t say I have three rounds of 15 burpees left. I talk to myself and say I just have to do this one burpee. I do that with every rep and every exercise until I’m done. That is a piece of advice that I took from Sally, and I took that mentality out of the box and into my everyday life.”Stephanie says, “Given the last two years of my life, you would think there would be an increase in panic attacks and anxiety.” However, she believes since beginning her morning meditations with God and her physical workouts with CrossFit, she has noticed fewer episodes of either anxiety or panic attacks.As another day ends and the day’s accomplishments cry out in black writing from the whiteboard for all in the box to see, Stephanie isn’t hesitant to write her name or her WOD time among the others. On this day her time is one of the top three, but she isn’t arrogant at all. She just feels excited and at peace with herself, and that that helps her confidence.Tomorrow will bring new fears, new anxieties, and new challenges. But, Stephanie knows that God and CrossFit are waiting in the wings, and she knows she will be up to the challenge.