The Meaning of True Friendship

If you can spare a minute or two, I’d like to talk about a lost art in this world—a concept called “friendship.” I have realized that I have done quite a disservice to this term. I have watered this term down to mean someone I encounter from time to time in the coffee shop, and share a laugh. Or someone with whom I do business, but rarely see or talk to, outside of a transaction.In a technology-centered, dog-eat-dog age, true friendship is becoming a rare commodity. Right now, many of us have thousands of friends on our Facebook pages (I wonder how greatly social media has thrown the concept of ‘friend’ off a cliff)…yet in real life we may only have a handful of people we would consider a true friend. And sadly, perhaps only a few people would consider us a true friend.One has to wonder what technology is really doing to friendship. In-person conversation, a swinging-on-the-porch kind of thing, is becoming lost. We may communicate more through text messaging and email, but we are losing connection. We are losing chemistry.Even when we do get together, it may be to share in a hobby or fascination. There is nothing inherently wrong with this, but does it ever dive deeper than a mere shared experience? If you’re going to play golf with a guy or maybe even meeting for a beer or cup of coffee every now and then, you may not have a friend. You may have a buddy.Friendship requires intimacy. A friend lantern-walks with you into the deepest recesses of your soul. He knows your birthday. He (she) celebrates with you when there is reason to celebrate. He is on speed dial. She is one of the first people you think to call when calamity strikes. Your secret? It’s safe with her. There is a relatively constant flow of conversation and time spent together. You don’t have to “catch up” (unless they’ve lived in a silent monastery for the last decade), you ARE up.Friendship requires work and time. A friend, without contact, can easily turn into a buddy, or nothing at all.Yet friendship doesn’t wobble with the circumstances. Friendship is sturdy. Friendship isn’t contingent on material wealth, or what you can get from it. And friendship should remain, regardless of paucity or position.There’s a notion going around—a lie—that says, “Let people do whatever they want to do” regardless of the consequences. But that is not friendship. That is apathy. A friend is someone who jerks you up, gets real, calls your bluff, pulls you to the side, shakes your tree, stops you before you go too far, tells you you’re being stupid.Friends do not lead other friends into evil places, encourage debauchery, or employ a “laissez-faire” attitude. These are the type of “friendships” that are shallow and illusory. True friends want the best for you; they are pulling for you to excel. They have your best in mind.Friends see past the ugliness, and understand that those filthy rags of behavior don’t define you. “A friend loveth at all times,” not just when you’re shined up.To have true friendships, we have to seek them out. We have to be willing to let people in, and to walk through the door of intimacy. We have to concern ourselves with the lives of others. We have to be willing to both give and receive love. We have to be willing to give and receive truth. We have to be willing to give and receive encouragement. This is the hallmark of friendship.Yes, I have done much to water this concept down. I have done a great disservice to the term “friend.”So this begs the question: Are we looking for a friend, or are we looking for a buddy? Do we want to be a friend, or do we want to be a buddy? Are we even willing to go to friendship? Because the term “friend” has an elevated level of responsibility. Loyalty. Trust. Patience. Longsuffering. True friendship is an elite kingdom to which few have been willing to visit.There is nothing wrong with having buddies, but the world needs friends.Let us not reach for shallow, syrupy relationships. May we pack our gear, take to the mount, and ascend to the great heights of true friendship. 78